If you’re single, you know that dating takes time and energy. Moreover, building a new relationship can be risky when you’re unsure if the person you’re dating is a good match for you. You can be more certain about your choice of partners if you are aware of red flags.

Throughout all contexts, the term “red flag” signifies a reason to stop. Red lights signal us to stop our vehicles on the road, and red tape cautions us from going beyond a certain point. In relationships, red flags are signs that a person has qualities that hinder them from the ability to have a healthy relationship. “Continuing down the road together could be emotionally dangerous,” explains Dr. Wendy Walsh, Ph.D.

You probably know the common red flags – substance abuse, a divorce that isn’t finalized, and chronic unemployment. Yet, in the haste or uncertainty of dating, you may overlook behaviors that can indicate a bigger problem in the future. The following examples of red flags indicate behavior that is harmful to relationships. Watch out for these!

1. The Person Who Judges You

You may start to notice your partner’s remarks here and there that don’t feel quite right to you. Statements like, “Really, you’re going to that whole piece of cheesecake? Better double up on your workouts this week.” Or, “I don’t know why you spend so much time reading; you need to get out more!” Pay attention because you’ll discover that these statements signal a more significant problem – controlling your behavior. If your partner doesn’t accept the fundamental expressions of your uniqueness, they’re not a good match for you, and you may start to criticize yourself internally because of their judgments about you. You deserve someone who accepts you just the way you are.

2. The Person Who Needs Too Much Attention

Beware of someone who needs an inordinate amount of attention from you. At first, you may enjoy their need to connect with you, but you’re likely to resent their constant need for attention before long. The impetus for their behavior comes from an inability to give themselves nurturing and attention. This means they can’t be their authentic selves in the relationship and may be codependent.

Sometimes, in our haste to start a relationship, we can ignore or minimize red flags.

3. The Person Who Doesn’t Know How to Express Emotion

Men commonly have difficulty accessing emotions because of their psychological makeup. However, women can have trouble in this area too. If your partner is unable to understand and manage emotions, they won’t be able to give you the space you need to express your emotions. Additionally, you’ll feel like you’re partner doesn’t understand you. Sharing your feelings and emotions with each other and feeling supported is vital to a loving relationship.

4. An Ex from Decades Ago Who Contacts You Out Of The Blue

Your life can suddenly turn upside down if a former love contacts you. You may feel confused and excited at the same time. Here’s something to keep in mind. Yes, people can change. But typically, not that much. Nine times out of ten, the reason you broke up in the first place still stands. Sometimes old flames can reunite, but most often, they need a distraction from their life rather than a committed relationship.

5. The Person Who Is Not Over Their Ex

If your partner regularly references an ex in your conversations, it usually means they are not ready for a relationship. Yes, every so often, the reference may help the context of your conversation but pay attention when it becomes too much. You’re likely to feel like you’re being compared to your ex and not appreciated for who you are.

Previous Articles from Elizabeth:

How to See Rejection in a Positive Light

7 Steps to Self-Awareness and Better Relationships

Six Ways to Create Emotional Intimacy and a Great Relationship