Have you ever gotten caught up in the excitement of a new relationship? Everything’s going great at first. But as the relationship unfolds, you may start to notice problems and wonder how you’ll work them out. The first step is to look at the issues deeper through self-awareness.
Seven Questions to Deepen Your Self-Awareness
- What Are Your Hidden Beliefs?
What most of us know about ourselves is like the tip of an iceberg. When you look underneath the surface, into your unconscious, you can uncover beliefs that block you from having a great relationship. Such thoughts might be, “I’m inadequate,” “Everyone I love leaves me,” or “When my partner finds out the real me, they won’t accept me.” You’ll unknowingly sabotage your relationship. You’ll change how you build your next relationship when you change these thoughts.
“The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask yourself.” ~ Ursula K. Le Guin
- How Do You Talk to Yourself?
Have you ever stopped to listen to how you talk to yourself? Is there a constant barrage of self-criticism going on in your head? If you spend a lot of time judging yourself, you will naturally judge your partner. Consequently, they may not feel comfortable in the relationship. So it’s important to make an effort to cultivate self-love and appreciation.
- Have You Let Go of Resentments from Past Relationships?
When you believe someone has mistreated you, you may develop a resentment towards the offender. In Psychology Today, Dan Mager, MSW, said, “Resentments are negative feelings, basically ill will, toward someone or something that emanates from the past.” Even though it may be hard to do, it’s beneficial to let go of the past and forgive those who hurt you rather than allowing your smoldering anger to impact your life. Letting go of resentments minimizes emotional baggage, so you don’t bring it into a new relationship.
- Can You Be Patient?
It takes time to get to know someone. Acting on chemistry and jumping into bed, although physically connecting, can cloud your inner wisdom. For a relationship to grow, you need to understand your partner’s values, background, and level of emotional health. Rather than hurry a relationship, be patient and give it time and space to unfold.
- Can You Be Yourself?
Do you hide the real you so that you won’t be rejected? If you want to build a healthy relationship, you’ve got to be willing to be vulnerable and take your mask off. People are attracted to authenticity, which can be scary; however, the rewards are great. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
- Do You Set Boundaries?
Boundaries establish the way you want others to interact with you. They protect you from mistreatment and manipulation. They minimize conflict by setting a precedent for how you expect your loved one to treat you. Healthy boundaries mean you can say “no” to what you don’t like or want, even if it means disappointing your partner.
- Do You Expect Your Partner to Meet All Your Needs?
Sometimes you may feel hurt when your partner doesn’t meet your expectations. It’s normal to turn to your partner for emotional support. However, sometimes they can’t be there for you the way you need them. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you; they are showing up for you as much as possible, given their emotional bandwidth. Rather than getting angry when your partner is unavailable, you can develop a support network or a spiritual practice to rely on.
In Conclusion
Understanding your relationship patterns will transform your dating and relationship outcomes. Self-awareness empowers you to create a deep bond with another person and enjoy a happy, healthy, and committed relationship.
Next Steps
I was divorced in my twenties and became a serial dater for years. When I developed deeper self-awareness, I understood what I did to sabotage my relationships. I attracted the love of my life. I’m now in a happy, healthy marriage. I can help you do the same! Contact me at (512) 922-4822 or buildlovingrelationships.com or email me at truelovecoach@gmail.com.