Have you ever noticed how you talk to yourself? When you do, you may discover that many of your thoughts are critical and judgemental. When you feel like you’ve failed or haven’t met the standards you’ve set for yourself, your inner critic quickly steps in to judge you. You feel bad. Feeling truly good about yourself means loving the person you actually are, inside and out.
Your Inner Critic Sounds Like This:
“I should have done better.”
“I should be thinner, more energetic, happier, [_____]” (fill in the blank).
“I should be in a relationship by now.”
“I should be more like [____ ]”(fill in the blank)
“I am bad, wrong, inadequate, worthless…”
Your inner critic can make your life miserable unless you know how to manage it. If you have a loud inner critic, you’re not only going to judge yourself, you’re going to judge others too. This is dangerous to relationships because you’ll find yourself criticizing your loved ones as frequently as you criticize yourself. It’s difficult to form a deep connection with your partner when your critical voice directs your thinking.
Three Steps for Taming Your Inner Critic
The formula for managing your inner critic is attention to the thought, acceptance that you are having it, and then thinking a positive thought.
1. The first step is to become aware of your inner critic. You’ll feel stressed or fearful when the critic is in charge and your thoughts will be infused with the word “should.”
2. The second step is to let go and just let the thought be. Imagine the thought as puffy white cloud gliding across your mind. See it from a distance. Understand that it doesn’t have to influence your thoughts and feelings.
3. The third step is to think of another thought, one that is positive. When you find yourself in the grip of self-criticism, pause and then offer yourself loving and supportive thoughts instead like;
“I am OK”
“I love and accept myself”
“My inner critic is not real”
Don’t Criticize the Critic
Whatever you do, don’t admonish yourself for your critical thoughts. That turns into the dreaded “double should!” If you think, “I need to do better,” then think, “I shouldn’t be having that thought,” you are engaging with your inner critic twice. You are criticizing the critic.
Instead, tell yourself, “I am having these thoughts and it’s okay. I don’t have to believe them so instead I’m going to think [______], and then fill in the blank with something positive.
Conclusion
With practice, you’ll be able to disengage from your inner critic. You’ll never be able to silence it completely nevertheless, you can ignore it. You’ll grow in self-love and happiness.
Next Steps…
If you’d like help to manage your inner critic so you can build a loving and healthy relationship with yourself and others, I can help. I offer safe and confidential coaching sessions to uplift and inspire you. You can find me at (512) 922-4822 or email me at truelovecoach@gmail.com to find out how.