Is it easy for you to love a puppy, a baby, or a gorgeous sunrise, yet difficult to love your significant other with the same certainty? Love is a natural part of being human. However, in relationships, love can get lost in the interplay of a couple’s differing world views, beliefs, and backgrounds. Things get complicated. Fortunately, you can make relationships simpler by cultivating three things: personal awareness, self-love, and healthy communication.
Personal Awareness: What are your unconscious beliefs?
An unconscious belief is an idea you hold onto but don’t consciously ponder. Usually, it’s something you decided long ago, frequently in childhood, that runs on autopilot in the background of your mind. Your unconscious forms your identity. In addition, it is responsible for who you attract, how you approach a relationship, and how you treat yourself. For example, if you’re frustrated because you attract people that don’t appreciate you, you may unconsciously believe that you’re not valuable or don’t deserve appreciation.
Solution: Get curious about how you think of yourself. Do you treat yourself with love and appreciation, or do you judge and criticize yourself privately? Uncovering your ideas is liberating because then you have the power to change them. The result is that you feel better about yourself and your relationship. And, if you’re single, you’ll be more successful at attracting the right partner.
Sigmund Freud stated, “The mind is like an iceberg, with one-seventh of its bulk above water.”
Watch Out for Your Tendency to Morph: Be authentic.
Do you morph into an inauthentic version of yourself when dating or in a new relationship? Do you agree with your partner or censor yourself from your genuine feelings? Or, do you act in ways you think will please your partner? If you’re not yourself, you won’t be able to create emotional intimacy with your partner. Consequently, even though you’re trying not to make waves within your relationship, you’ve created a tsunami inside yourself by not being true to yourself.
Solution: Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Do you routinely compare yourself to others? Do you fear rejection? Can you be more encouraging to yourself? Can you start talking to yourself in a positive, accepting manner? As you grow in self-love, you also grow in confidence and authenticity.
Healthy Communication: Your State of Mind.
Knowing how to communicate with your partner in a clear, honest, and mindful way helps you navigate conflict and convey your feelings — which is key to making things work in the long run. Your state of mind influences the words and tone of voice you use. For example, if you’re angry, you’ll communicate differently than if you had just won the lottery. If you’re tired, you’ll communicate differently than when you’ve had a great night’s sleep. So when you need to talk about complex issues, be aware of your state of mind.
Solution: When you need to address a volatile issue, use a neutral tone of voice. Avoid criticizing your partner for something they did or didn’t do; speak to the behavior you’d like them to change. If they forgot to take out the garbage for the umpteenth time, instead of yelling, “What’s wrong with you?’ Calmly ask, “Honey, is there anything I can do to help you remember to take out the trash?” Listen for understanding rather than waiting to share your next point. It’s not that they don’t love you; it’s just that sometimes they may overlook things that are important to you.
In Conclusion
If you want to have happy, healthy, and loving relationships, you can. You can minimize the complexities involved in relationships by developing new skills such as personal awareness, self-love, and good communication.