It’s that time of year again – Valentine’s Day. It’s hard to ignore. Valentine’s Day is widely viewed as a time for romance. Yet, there’s another way to celebrate the true essence of the day, and it’s by focusing on love rather than romance.

Romance and love are two distinctly different things. Love can involve romance, but it doesn’t have to. Love comes from the heart and is expressed through kindness, gratitude, and acceptance. On the other hand, romance involves seduction, expectations, and spending money on the trappings of the day. You can find yourself stressed out about finding the perfect gift and planning a memorable day or night for you and your partner.

We romanticize Valentine’s Day because romance is fun. Candlelight dinners, wine, and great sex are compelling at a visceral level. Getting a card that says, “Be Mine” can make you feel wanted and validated. These emotions feel good at the time, yet they are fleeting if they’re not grounded in love.

If you’re single on Valentine’s Day, you may have a terrific date, but days later, he or she ghosts you. You may have sex, yet deep down, you feel like you’re performing rather than deeply connecting, heart-to-heart. The heart-to-heart connection is missing when you only think of the day in terms of romance.

If you’re in a relationship, you don’t have to feel disappointed if your partner doesn’t meet all your expectations about the day. I am in a wonderful marriage, yet I buy myself my favorite flowers a week before Valentine’s Day, so I can enjoy them and not wait for my husband to give them to me.

When you think of Valentine’s Day as a connection to love, you can have a happy day regardless of your relationship status. Love doesn’t require a romantic partner. You can show love to strangers, friends, family members, pets, and most importantly, yourself. If you’re feeling the stirrings of lack, inadequacy, and dread about the day, you can change those feelings to abundance, happiness, and peace by focusing on love.

Wishing You a Happy and Loving Valentine’s Day!

Elizabeth Golembiewski is a dating and relationship coach, and she also helps people recover from codependency. Elizabeth combines wisdom borne from her past relationship challenges and the tools she used to build her current 18-year relationship to help others build loving relationships. You can contact Elizabeth at truelovecoach@gmail.com; https://www.buildlovingrelationships.com; or (512) 922-4822.